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786 days ago
For numerous reasons, I have decided to jump ship to Blogspot. My newer, groovier and much more niftily named blog can be found here. For the sake of nostalgia I will keep the old blog, but I've moved all the previous posts to my new place. See you there!
810 days ago
“Not another one!” Cried the headmaster in dismay, once again in confrontation with the inspector. “How long will two murders take to investigate?” “As long as necessary, sir.” The policeman replied, employing the age-old tactic of question evasion. “With a serial killer involved, it could take months.” “It was a member of staff as well.” The head sighed. “I mean, pupils we can overlook…” “No-one must be overlooked, sir!” insisted the policeman, skipping from ‘tepid’ up to ‘bubbling’. “Your pupils are no less important, if not more important, than your members of staff!” “Now, now, no need to get tetchy.” Said the headmaster, offended. “The pupils are obviously of more concern to you than to us, I see that. But if the government can’t keep these homicidal chaps under control, then it’s hardly our fault is it?” It was the policeman’s turn to be cutting reply-less. Casting desperately around the study, in which they were currently residing, he caught sight of a new ...
820 days ago
We're going home late at night and it's taking years! Just look at the clock! 20:27 - A good year. 20:28 - Oh, there's the Olympics! 20:29 - There go the Olympics. 20:30 - A new decade. 20:31 - The Olympics are coming! 20:32 - Shock horror! Vatican gets the Olympics! 20:33 - Third multiple of 11 since... no, wait a minute... 20:34 - *frantic calculations* 20:35 - ...20:35! And here it is! Some multiple of something since sometime a while ago. 20:36 - Isle of Wight gets the Olympics. 20:37 - Japan makes surprise entry to Eurovision and wins! 20:38 (approx) - DJ on radio moans about spiders. Wimp! 20:39 - It's Olympics time again! 20:40 - Trinidad gets the Olympics. Are we nearly there yet?
838 days ago
Meanwhile, in the cricket pavilion, Mr. Mallock was trying to do both of these things at the same time. With the teachers being ousted from everywhere else, he was lucky to have got there before the others. He’d always said his class needed to get more exercise. Sir, can I? Whack! Ouch! Sir? Sir? Whack! Ouch! Whack! Whack! Ouch! Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack! Mallock surveyed the scene with satisfaction. Several boys were nursing their bruises, several more were unconscious, and the survivors were tactfully cowering in the corner. He had always prided himself on his solid palm, and it had undoubtedly done its job. There was another whack, but this time it wasn’t him. It was a cricket bat, and this time he was the one being whacked.
855 days ago
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License. NB: To attribute, you can just link to this blog. But don't forget to do it! “I still don’t see what all the bother is about,” sighed the headmaster, thrusting the crime report back into the inspector’s hands, “it’s not as if anyone is going to miss the little nuisance.” “The police must treat all suspicious incidents with extreme caution, sir.” The policeman replied, thinking it an appropriate phrase for the current situation. “Besides, we don’t get many cases of schoolboys lying in pools of blood. Especially their own blood.” “He was asking for it,” the head snorted, “it’ll be the last time he ever tries to dodge lessons.” “There are no excuses for murder, sir.” Retorted the policeman, his mental saucepan of water rising from ‘tepid’ to ‘simmering’. “If we don’t catch the culprit soon, you could be the next victim.” He had worked with the headmaster’s kind ...
