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179 days ago
It was the only place I ever really felt at peace. None in my family understood it. They all believed that their religions lay in their hearts and not in any buildings, but for some reason I always stood out. Maybe because in that place I didn’t have to worry about what I was going to do with my life. I’d always believed that God would show me the way. Sophia sighed and set her pen down on the page, pushed it into the binding crease of the journal, and closed it. She rarely went home these days. In a few short weeks she’d be found bleeding on one of God’s pews without any clues to guide her family, but in this moment no one could know that. The breeze stirred her long blond hair across her hazel eyes, features she’d inherited from her father. For a moment, she was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice it. The journal and the church had become the staples that kept her life together especially in recent days—especially the journal. She’d taken particular care ...
196 days ago
I opened my eyes and there before me was the end of my life. There were no flashes of scenes past or things that could be. I did not envision my children or a moment with my lover. It was a blinding light that erased everything as if it had never been; erased doubt; erased longing; erased desire. I thought then that I would soon be walking with God with my very next step. Those instants are so easy to fantasize, romanticize. Giving it all up for the ones you love, to protect the world, for the moral right. This is why war continues, because we all have that longing for the meaning that such sacrifice can ascribe our lives that peace cannot. I think everyone deep down longs for that one defining moment where they can immortalize their souls forever with a single act. An act that would bring people to their knees, bring tears to their eyes, lay silence like blankets upon their hearts just at the mere thought of it. I was no different. And the life that I lead now taught me ...
