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30 days ago
I'm trying to figure this out. As I recall, growing up, it was always a day to look forward to, not a season. I realize it's pointless to compare "how it was when we were kids" to how things are today, because you simply can't. Our kids get more, do more, have it easier, blah blah blah......And let's face it. It's our fault. Sometimes "yes" is so much easier to say than "no." This year, I bought Halloween costumes for my girls early, as in mid-September, because my oldest kept reminding me "Remember what happened last time you waited too long MOM????" Yes, I remember. She couldn't dress up as her top two choices because they were out of stock "so late in the season." As I recall, I tried to place the order in the first few days of October, or even late September. Halloween...a season? Really? My youngest daughter lost the tail to her kitty cat costume this weekend. Yesterday, I ran by Target to pick up another one. Target is already ...
64 days ago
Go ahead and wonder what the hell is wrong with me when I make this statement: “I don’t really like animals.” There, I said it. Hit delete or read on. I come by this honestly. My mother doesn’t like animals, either, as she reminded me over and over growing up. Seeing her pet a dog is one of the most unnatural scenes I’ve ever witnessed. It’s like oil and water—doesn’t mix. By not liking animals, I don’t mean I advocate their abuse and I don’t drive 30 miles out of the way to avoid catching a glimpse of the zoo. I like them, just not in my house. I don’t like paying for their various needs, as I have two children that consume every dollar for their various needs. And I happen to like my children, so if I have X dollars the X goes to them, not to the cat. I want what’s left of X to go to a new pair of shoes for myself. I wasn’t always like this. Like any other American child, I begged for a dog. Our blended family, I thought, needed a pet to ...
87 days ago
I really miss Zoloft. It was like a fluffy pillow protecting me from life's jagged edges. I would hit them, but it didn't really hurt. Now when I hit them, it hurts like hell. I wonder what the hell I was thinking getting my daughter a cat, as I sit here with my eyes damn near swollen shut and a runny nose and watery eyes...not to mention the demise of everything in my house from a nice rug to the couch to plantation shutters to every dang toothbrush we have. And the cat pees in the bathtub. Ew. I wish I could see what it's like, even for just a day, to be a total bitch. I'd really like to just be mean as hell, not give a shit, and have no concept of what it's like to be a doormat. I miss being married. Remember, the title of the blog is "Sometimes." Just sometimes. I start to realize that I will probably never really know what it's like for someone to be so in love with me, that they couldn't -- wouldn't -- imagine not having me in their life. I ...
98 days ago
In trying to figure out the exact date of a friend’s birthday, I had to go through some old (should be deleted but aren’t) emails to keep from making a total ass out of myself by saying “happy birthday” when I’m not even close. The point isn’t whether I got the birthday right or not (I did, sort of), it’s that I was reminded of where I was this time last year. So much has happened I can’t believe I almost forgot. I was still living in a hotel last year, dutifully taking my laptop out into the hallway every evening to work, while my kids peacefully slept in their uncomfortable hotel bed covered with a delightful mauve and baby blue flowered comforter….the smells of curry drifting through the hallways. Ahhh…… I was horrified with myself for moving my daughters from their home into a new one, not yet built and into a new school, sight unseen. Fast-forward, clearly we survived. But man, what a year! I swore I’d never go on another date. I did and lived to tell about ...
141 days ago
So, it’s been a year since the divorce was final--just over a year to be exact. It would be nice to apply the cliché phrase “my how time flies” to my life, but I can’t do that because it’s simply not true. To be fair, time hasn’t stood still either, but the year has been full of so many challenges, ups, downs, and new experiences (good and bad) that I find myself feeling and (sadly) looking older than I should because I’m so tired of swinging from emotion to emotion and climbing up a few notches on life’s ladder just to get kicked back down again. It’s exhausting. But I’m not broken. At least not yet. Let’s go with bruised. So here’s the scorecard. After a summer of living in various hotels, the home I had built was completed in early fall. I assumed the house would be the solution to all of our squabbles, emotional breakdowns, and bad habits like eating out, kids getting used to sleeping with me, overspending, and lack of routine. We move in, and the oldest goes ...
