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1320 days ago
So this began life as an e-mail to someone I have just met, as a matter of fact... Imagine THEIR surprise when they open the seemingly innocuous e-mail, expecting to find, "Hello! How are you? How was your evening?" and uncover THIS monstrosity of macabre imagination! Enjoy! Reverie. I'm sitting at my desk, a little bleary-eyed... the memory of the screwdrivers I drank last night is competing with the vague memory of belting out "Five Days in May" by Blue Rodeo to a bar packed with maybe ten people, for sole possession of my sub-conscious... my phone is ringing off the hook, and it's starting to slowly drive me crazy. I'm thinking about how much "stress leave" I could get if I freaked out and tore it out of the wall and threw it across the office... relishing the shocked and horrified looks on the faces of my co-workers... bellowing in triumph as it tumbles end-over-end to smash against the wall, spraying ...
1327 days ago
...the last time I made an update??? Whew! That's no good! Well, this will just be a quickie.. I kept planning to use my next "spam chronicle" to be my next entry, but I haven't gotten around to writing it yet!! So here I am. Rambling on about nothing. Well there isn't a lot to report, actually... life is just carrying on as usual. Work is keeping me VERY busy... but I've thought of something. I was contacted today by someone from my murky past!!! A good friend that I lost touch with many moons ago... and I'm going to tell a story about something that happened to us "back in the day". This friend of mine got his license first, and was driving before any of us... in fact, I didn't even GET my license until almost a year later because I didn't really need to! There always seemed to be someone around to drive... but I digress... this buddy of mine's parents had a Cadillac. A fleetwood, a pretty nice car back then! Beefy engine, and a ...
1350 days ago
Ok. I’m going to take a crack at something that my good friend Jorge does all the time. I’m not sure anyone else has noticed, but spam-artists are getting more tricksy all the time. Lately they’ve started trying to use “names” made up from sort of random words to try to fool spam-filters. I honestly think that there are small, pale people locked in little rooms with very little to eat stringing these fake names together all day long. Of course, it still doesn’t work. My spam filter gets rid of them with seeming ease, but there’s no saying I can’t have a little fun with them once I’ve collected them. Jorge has taken to fashioning a sort of story from them, and I’m going to attempt to do the same. This bedraggled cast of characters has been assembled into an unlikely Football Team. I’ve dubbed them The Spamlington Chargers. Now let’s get on with the show! Here is a media-guide to a few of the key players… ...
1352 days ago
I've been experimenting with internet dating a little lately, and I have to say it has been interesting... in the end, it's just another way to meet people, right? Well this piece of writing arose from a conversation with someone who asked me to tell her a story... I have a feeling she was looking for a story about ME, so I may have missed the point, as I am wont to do, but a fairly nice piece of writing resulted from my folly, so I can't judge myself too harshly! Without further ado, I present, The Princess and the Candle... *************************************************************************************** Once upon a time, there was a castle. In the window of the highest tower, there burned a single candle. In the room behind the candle, there was a beautiful Queen, and her daughter, the princess. As the Queen prepared her little girl for bed, as she liked to do instead of having a servant do it, the tiny Princess asked her mother, "Mama, ...
1369 days ago
My evening... I was accosted on my way home from Jacks by a one-armed man... he was very strong, he dragged me into an alley and whispered that he knew who I was. I tried to ask him what he was talking about, but he clonked me on the head with a statue of Wilt Chamberlain that he had been clutching in his good hand. When I came to, I was on a ship... I don't know where... I had been press-ganged into the foreign legion! The men on the ship were harsh and their justice was brutal. I was forced to live for hours on a diet consisting of dates... in many forms... date squares, date cookies, date pie, even a very odd looking date gruel... which was really just crushed up dates. I tried to reason with the Captain... or possibly the cabin-boy... I'm still not sure... but he didn't speak a word of english. He only pointed and stroked his pointy little beard. And laughed a lot. And brandished his hook like nobody's business. I don't think I mentioned that. We sailed for many minutes, and ...
