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577 days ago
What happened in Lhasa was unfortunate. Another stupid incident where the ones died without a name. Briefly three points I want to make about Lhasa 314, given my personal experience in the United States: 1) Western media has been an ass for the most of the time. I trusted them at first because I doubted Chinese media will unveil the truth with completeness and reliability (which was true though). Then I had to tell myself I was an idiot dismissing a partially blind source for a completely blind source -- on this particular issue. They are so fucking biased. It is almost like, due to the Chinese government's news policy, they could not obtain first-hand information on March the 14th so they decided to issue false information with a powerful passion for making assumptions. The news turned out to be quite creative, imaginative, passionate, and thousands of miles away from the truth. Currently almost everything they wrote on Tibet ...
586 days ago
因为微积分的循序渐进和一位让我获益匪浅的教授，我误入了数学的这扇门。 门后有一条路，第一个路标上写着“微积分”。这个路段，到处是吵闹、清晰、生机勃勃的行人。大家出身不同，行走方向却一样。 那是我们曾经熟悉的数学。我们做了一辈子的数学。有数字，变量，算式，和问题。 背着一本厚重的书，摊开一个作业本，拿出一个TI89，便可以跟几个工科的学生讨论得不亦乐乎。 后来，路上的风景变得越来越模糊，越来越充满媚惑。走在路上，你可以听到自己的脚步声，回音静得可怕。 数学书变得很小，很薄，很善意。教室变得很大，很凉，很明媚。 只是坐下来，把一段文字读上上十遍，然后站起来，去寻求一个愉悦视觉的证明。 当你再抬头，天也黑了，窗外玩沙滩排球的人也消失在街灯阑珊处。 数学把我们都骗了。你牵着她的手往深处走，却没有了数字的存在。 我们用十几年来做题所积累的踏实感被抽空了。 她轻解罗裳，你才发现你从来就没有认识过她。她不能被物化，不能被驾驭。 “数字化”是一个工科概念，从来都不是一个“数学”概念。 我们在研究星星，叶子和没有发音规则的密码。 以及一切不可触及的抽象。 还有不离不弃的精密。 想想我这半年来在数学上所干的事情，很惊讶。雅号"executioner“的教授太聪明。数学，物理，语言，甚至经济学，样样精通。幽默，善良，充满激情。 我尊敬他的智商，鄙视他的清高。 如果可以选择，我一定不会再选他的课。但是由于他的天才，我仍在这门课中获益，只是以一种较为痛苦的方式。 从头至尾，他从来没有告诉过我们怎么做proof。没有“例题”，没有指导，只有批评。 一个学期的作业全部在课表上列出来了。所以上课的第一天你就知道一个学期的工作量。他并不会“教”你什么，只是你要带着自己的研究果实来上课。他会跟你开玩笑，也会朝你扔粉笔，冲动地叫你上黑板做演示。他不喜欢numbers, functions, and polynomials。他喜欢cows。所以每当他说cows，我们就知道是numbers, functions, and polynomials。他喜欢“爱丽思漫游仙境”，可是他自己写的书没有人看得懂。 ...
595 days ago
I've been working so hard that I can't even recognize myself. I've been forgetting to eat and living on one meal per day for two weeks. I simply don't have time for food and sleep anymore. I keep finding myself more and more stuff to do. I keep overloading myself and looking for more. I keep letting my body eat herself. Working for the sake of being busy becomes the major source of happiness and satisfaction. I get don't feel depressed I just feel anxious. There's always so much more to do. There're always so many more ways to do better. I registered for 5 classes and a lab for next semester and I still feel inadequate and stupid. I am not nearly close to perfection so I need quantity to even things out. Math is neither my talent nor my interest but given enough hard work I am quite capable of doing well above average, considering I am the least interested in becoming a mathematician. And the intellectual pleasure I got out of math is something other disciplines cannot ...
615 days ago
So we were at the library. Some tech desk guy came along and showed us a news on BBC: "Some construction sites got screwed and crashed down on some building, which happened to be a bar called "Fu Bar"." "Hahahaha", he laughed. "Hahahaha", we laughed. "So why are we laughing over people's misery again?" I asked. FU BAR: Fucked Up Beyond Any Recognition Don't laugh though. It is a pretty common term in computer science "And that's what I am." I told myself silently, and laughed again.
628 days ago
3:20 am 上床睡觉 8:00 am computer lab 10:00 am - 1:00 pm 上课 2:00 - 4:00 pm 美术馆工作 5:00 - 7:00 pm chill, dinner, laundry, checking mails, etc 收拾房间吃饭查邮件 7:00 - 9:00 pm meeting/lecture/class/test 开会演讲或考试 9:30 pm - ?am 做作业 这是我这学期典型的一天。因为忙，时间过得也快。加上我素来不求上进，实习的申请很多都past deadline了。但是开始关注对我来说已经是很大的进步了吧。这学期认识了经济系一个很好的教授M，虽然没有上过他的课，可是他很乐意帮忙，常常主动找我交流信息。跟M教授聊过几次，他说现在大二申请实习太早，叫我暑假留在学校做research，还叫我给他一份简历，一起讨论大三的一些机会。他提议我明年去伦敦，经济系有很好的program。可是我久久抽不出时间来申请。去欧洲也是悬在心里的一桩事，除了作业，还欠自己很多事要做啊。 这学期上的课让室友很汗颜，cait常说我这个学期的课这么难（主要是280），她都没有资格抱怨自己的工作了。可实际上她还是要比我用功许多，晚上在实验室睡觉对她来说已经不在话下了。除了上课，我这学期在美术馆的工作变得更有意思了。以前更多是在图书馆做research，现在增加了在美术馆的时间，一周8个小时，跟着做些condition record的工作，有时在办公室打杂。这样一来其实要累很多，可是也算跟着学了点东西。另外助教的工作也在做，可主要是看自己时间上允不允许，弹性更大。 ...
