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4 days ago
Today I am thankful for this stuff: Cute Little kids in cute little thermal underwear waking up in cute little beds in the morning. 13-year-olds that wake up on their own, make themselves breakfast and get themselves dressed. 2 dogs that DON'T eat movies. The fact that we kept all our original paint samples; otherwise we'd be repainting entire walls once a week. Caleb's job, no matter how much he has to travel. Healthy kids, no matter how acrobatic they are. Will Ferrell. Digital cameras (instant gratification). Art (and the calming effect it has on me). Living in the United States.
6 days ago
Memo to me: Know where the heck you're going before you roll into downtown Oklahoma City like you own the place. Wait until you are officially out of ghetto-ville before you start blasting 80's tunes, and before you start belting out Peter Cetera's "The Glory of Love" at the top of your lungs, check to make sure your back windows are all the way up. And when scary Mexican gangsters are pointing and laughing at you, it's safe to assume that maybe-- just maybe --your windows are not as tinted as you originally thought they were--stop making "music videos" in your rearview mirror. Of Peter Cetera's "The Glory of Love". Really. It's not like it's even one of the cool 80's songs. Some other things I've learned this week: Neurosurgeons? Not a particularly fun bunch. The smell of formula is foul, but the smell of formula combined with the smell of cigarettes creates a fume more vile and noxious than a family of skunks ...
11 days ago
I consider myself an expert slacker. I've mastered the art of putting off until next month what I know I won't get done today. But when I come up with genius ways to slack off and the universe comes around and bites me in my procrastinatin' butt, I get upset. For this reason, I got beef with Campbell's Soup. Once or twice a year, or maybe more than that--I don't know because I don't pay attention--the local elementary school collects what is known in soccer mommy circles as "soup labels" or, to the rest of the world, "trash". On the back of every can of Campbell's Soup, there is a tiny yellow label, and for every label your school turns in, Campbell's pays the school a certain amount of money. The school holds contests, kids get all batshit and want to eat soup 24/7, Campbell's gets rich, and the school earns some cash. Great idea, right? WRONG. I can back up this rationale with solid evidence: Although I don't think to collect these labels throughout the ...
13 days ago
If I were Merrick I'd sleep. Instead of banging my head against the crib rail for an hour at naptime, I'd pass out. And I'd be ready to go to bed again at 7:00 p.m. seeing as how I would spend my days running around the house at the speed of sound, taking no less than 12 massive dumps, and screaming bloody murder whenever the mood struck me. And if I were Mia, I wouldn't need an elaborate bedtime ritual involving a bubble bath, 3 library books, 2 made-up stories, 2 good-dream wishes blown into each ear, and a 20-minute secret handshake--followed by a temper-tantrum that ends with both child and parents in tears. If I were Cheyenne, I'd lose the eternal scowl, and I pull my hair back out of my face, and I'd love my life since all I'd have to do is make good grades and have my own cell phone. If I were the weather I'd stay just like I am now; cool, breezy, and sunny and cloudy at the same time--makes for some beautiful fall days. And if I were my ...
20 days ago
Mia's sick. I'm sick. We have wicked bad fevers and Merrick is sure to be next. Caleb's out of town. Cheyenne is still mad at me. And I hate my dog. Before 8:00 in the morning, Mia and Merrick were running around the house playing a new game called "Octopus Market." And here's a bit of advice: when you hear the pitter patter of little feet occasionally disrupted by the sound of a running faucet, it's probably a good idea to check on your kids. What was I doing? I was standing in the kitchen, willing the coffee maker to brew faster. Duh. Things turned out alright. "Octopus Market" involves a play kitchen, fake knives, a couple of washrags, and a ton of water. Good times. As I sludged on out into the hallway (where we keep said play kitchen since every other room is already crowded with over-sized toys) with my coffee, Mia gleefully approached me with a plate of calamari and sushi. I had to stop and marvel at her creativity--the octopus was a ...
