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1199 days ago
There was a boy, whose parents were very strict in his upbringing. They never allowed him to meet any girls, except his own relatives. However, one day, he saw one of his best friends kissing a girl and he went to his Mother and asked her what they were doing. His Mother told him. "It's called kissing and any boy who does that to a girl will die that very minute!" On his 21st Birthday, he went out with some friends, who introduced him to one of the sweetest girls around town. She knew that he had never been kissed before. When she eventually got some time alone with him, she tried to kiss him but he resisted. She asked him, "What are you afraid of? It won't hurt." He replied, "My Mother said if I kiss a girl, I'll die that very minute!" She replied, "Don't be a baby, now come on, kiss me." With that she gave him a hot kiss, square across the lips. He began to cry, "Oh, no, I'm going to die." She asked, "Why are you ...1203 days ago
Canadian Temperature Scale: +70 degrees Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear, people in Canada go swimming in the lakes. +60 degrees North Carolinians try to turn on the heat, people in Canada plant gardens. +50 Californians shiver uncontrollably, people in Canada sunbathe. +40 degrees Italian & English cars won’t start, people in Canada drive with the windows down. +32 degrees Distilled water freezes, Lake Superior gets thicker. +20 degrees Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and woolly hats, Canadians throw on a flannel shirt. +15 degrees Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat, Canadians have the last cookout before it gets cold. 0 degrees People in Miami all die….Canadians lick the flagpole. -20 degrees Californians fly to Mexico, Canadians get out their winter coats. -40 degrees Hollywood disintegrates, Canadian Girl Scouts are selling cookies door to door. -60 degrees Polar bears begin to ...1203 days ago
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” She asked. “Hunting Flies” He responded. “Oh. Killing any?” She asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell them apart?” He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”1208 days ago
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! "Later, the lion confronts a wildebeest and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified wildebeest stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, making the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on the lion until it looked like a corn tortilla and then ambled away. The lion let out a moan of pain, lifted his head weakly and hollered after the elephant, "GOSH, just because you ...1217 days ago
A young woman brings home her fiancée to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his study for a drink. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am studying Theology," he replies. "Theology. Hmm." the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in as she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring such as she deserves?" asks the father. "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us." "And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancée. The conversation ...
