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662 days ago
You know it's a crazy, mixed-up world when I am given the corporate credit card and the responsibility of planning the company Christmas party. Some supervisors might take the $40/person budget and go to a nice restaurant for an hour or two. This particular party planner decided to have a bonfire, get a bushel of raw oysters (?), and spend the rest on alcohol. Oh, plus one Olive Garden gift certificate for the winner of the poker tournament. Who knew my co-workers and their dates could be so much fun?* *I'm having second thoughts regarding the installation of a stripper pole in my living room, though. Hopefully, that was just holiday beer banter. We took one group photo at the beginning of the evening, which was smart, because the rest of the shots look something like this: I certainly hope there's something in the corporate budget for President's Day...662 days ago
Nothing piques a mother's interest quite like a text message from her teenage son in the middle of the night which reads: I'm o.k. Call me in the morning. His definition of "okay" is debatable, but I did call in the morning to discover the master of understatement and his dad were out riding jet skis last weekend when one (or both) of them turned too sharply and collided into the other. Patrick flew into the air from the impact, landed on his tailbone and thought he was paralyzed before they were rescued and he was transported to the hospital. By the time I talked to him, he was doped up on liquid Lortab, and wasn't feeling much pain from the fractured leg and coccyx, stitches, assorted lumps and bruises. His dad rented a U-Haul to transport Patrick's new (pimp) El Camino from Savannah back to Alabama, and I'm guessing this was the least desirable way he imagined spending Fall Break. My ...
1307 days ago
I was standing in the kitchen at 1 a.m. Friday morning, with five police officers, my son in handcuffs and my ex-, when my cell phone rang. My sister, inebriated: GUESS WHAT?! I’m going to switch schools and move to yourtown, Alabama and I’m going to get an apartment and my tuition will be $5,000 less! Me: That’s great. Can I call you back tomorrow? Her: You’re not even excited? I can get my masters in another two years and… Sigh. I know I said I gave up drama for New Year’s, but my family didn’t get the memo. NO DRAMA, I said! My son: defiant, stubborn, and disrespectful. In handcuffs. In the back of a squad car. His dad is visiting for the weekend, so of course everything was soon out of control between the two of them, with my son threatening to run away and/or kill himself. Fortunately, I live in a relatively small town, so when we called the police, three squad cars showed up. The officers ...
