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324 days ago
When I cannot sleep, when time drags on forever for me, somewhere between night and day. I lay awake thinking, self ananlyzing myself. Trying to rationalize, trying to make sense of why I cannot sleep, and why I always have nightmares, and for god's sake whay I can't just accept my experiences that I had and just....move on. Time seems frozen for me sometimes at night Like machines......we all did what we had to do to stay alive.....never thinking of the consequences To stop and think......would certainly cost our lives Numb to ourselves......never to show weakness.....all we had done was left deep down inside Now my mind seems unable to forgive itself So in dreams.....these things come back for me My mind saying.....look what you did...something immoral....something born of hate I try to forget....and say it's ok In dreams....I cannot breath....vivid memories of the unacceptable....of what war really is Responsiblity....like a ton of bricks weighs ...
381 days ago
Iraq War Veteran Wrestles With Invisible Wounds Tuesday, November 11, 2008 Dave McBee, who did two tours of duty in Iraq beginning in 2003, struggles with post-traumatic stress disorder. On the plus side, David McBee has a fiancee who stuck by him, a 2-year-old son who loves him. They've helped him persevere through dark times — blackouts, anger, confusion — as he struggles with the invisible wounds of his combat duty in Iraq. As a Marine, McBee engaged in the initial assault on Iraq from Kuwait in 2003 and the often-chaotic battle of Fallujah in late 2004. He returned to the United States in 2005, worked for a time with the postal service and got engaged. His fiancee, Audra Cardoza, gave birth to a son in 2006. About a year after his return, McBee began to notice a change in his personality, including what he describes as "blackouts" — periods of time he couldn't account for. "One day, me and my buddies and fiancee, we went out and started ...
387 days ago
In her eyes,my world stood still Out of all the things I remember the most of my time in Iraq, this is one of the memories that has stuck with me for a long time. I was about a little girl I encountered on the side of the road when I stopped my Humvee to take up a defensive position near the town of Mosul. Eyes fixed as she walked towards me Ratted hair, dark eyes, and an angels face A tattered pink rose in her hand.....held up to me "America" she spoke In her eyes...... my own reflection looking back unpon myself........ I stood frozen not drawing my weapon as I should....helpless A smile between us.....broken by her mothers yell The rose fell at my feet. These days I often see the face of that little girl in the eyes of my 2.5 yr old daughter I was trained to draw my weapon at anyone that approached like that, because my unit had experienced small children approacing the Humvees and throwing grenades in the back of ...
485 days ago
554 days ago
First I would have to say that me not being on here is actually a good thing. It seems as if it has been forever. I have been spending a lot of time with my wife and baby girl. I guess you could say I am comming into my own at being a husabnd and a father. Having said that it is sometimes exausting keeping up with the messes they both make. Sometimes I dont know who makes more of a mess. I am still working in sleep medicine and work in a reseach sleep lab at St.Louis University. My PTSD is stiill an issue for me the biggest problem/trigger I have is when our daughter Kaelin screams at the top of her lungs, but I have been going to the VA to keep seeing the head doctor. I am still battling it out with the VA for my service connected disability. It has been since 2004 when I first filed for it, it has been denied twice, finally I hired a lawyer, and my case is now before the board in washington. Just giving everybody an update on how things have been going.
