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<p>We live in a world where everyone is looking for the secret key – the key to peace, serenity, blessings, abundance, health and everything good. Can there be one master key to open any door? What would that key be and how do we get hold of it?</p> <p>There was once a wealthy man who lived simply and frugally. In his old age, however, he confided in a young friend that he wanted to live his last few years in style and comfort. Since he was old-fashioned, and had no children, he asked his good friend to undertake the project of hiring home designers and skilled architects to build him a state-of-the-art mansion.</p> <p>The building of the structure soon began. Foundations were laid, brick by brick, story by story, the work was progressing well. And then our young man began to look for ways to cut corners. Having lived in a simple home all his life, what would the old fellow know about fine craftsmanship and superior quality? Besides, wouldn't it ...
<p><i>Dear Tzippora,</i></p> <p><i>My husband and I are friendly with another couple, and we frequently get together socially. We have been doing this for years, and all enjoy each other's company. Yet, lately, I feel I am developing a crush on my friend's husband. Sometimes I find myself fantasizing about what life would be like if I was married to him instead of my own husband. While I love my husband, and would never act on my feelings, I am starting to feel embarrassed and uncomfortable around this couple. I find myself avoiding opportunities to socialize with them. How should I handle this?</i></p> <p><i>Suddenly Shy</i></p> <p>Dear Suddenly Shy,</p> <p>It is natural for all marriages to have phases of intense closeness followed by spells of less intense intimacy, distance, and even ambivalence. There are even times when a good marriage may feel like a partnership, or a ...
<p><b>The Choice is Ours</b></p> <p>According to Rabbi Eliezer, a Talmudic sage, one of the most important traits that a person can develop is "a good eye" (Ethics of Our Fathers, 2:13), which means the ability to interpret our world positively. The way G‑d made our world, however, makes positive interpretation quite the challenge. There is evil and darkness all around us, problems at all levels from political to the personal. Neither nations nor individuals find it easy to live in harmony. Our imperfect worlds and relationships give us much to complain about and much negativity to focus on. It's always easier to see what is glaringly wrong than to see what is subtly right. And yet, the "right" is only subtle when we relegate it to a small corner of our universe. We do have the option, should we desire, to promote it to a front and central location where it can become the focus of our attention. Engaging in this act is what ...
<p>I'll never forget the moment. It was almost thirty years ago. I was preparing dinner with my six-year-old, who was cutting the vegetables, when he looked up at me and said, "Mom, do you know who the strongest boy in my class is?"</p> <p>"No," I responded. "Who is the strongest boy in your class?"</p> <p>"Chezi," he stated self-assuredly.</p> <p>"Why is Chezi the strongest?" I asked.</p> <p>"Because he never cries," he answered solemnly as he cut the cucumbers.</p> <p>My heart skipped a beat as I grasped that this child had already internalized a harsh reality, i.e. "To feel is to fail." To be a "man" means to be tough, in full control of one's emotions and immunized against fear, pain and sadness. It's the weaklings who talk about their feelings; successful people function to their maximum!</p> <p>I ...
<p>Emotions are “catchy.” When someone is calm and happy, they lighten the mood of everyone around them. Similarly, when someone is agitated, they put everyone around them on edge. It is then understandable that someone may react in kind to another person’s anger. If a wife, for instance, starts shouting at her husband, he is likely to “catch” her upset and express anger to her. His anger-style may differ from hers; he may sulk instead of shout. Nonetheless, it is <i>her</i> mood that he is all too likely reflecting.</p> <p>And yet, people can overcome the natural tendency to catch another's mood <i>if they want to.</i> One important incentive for "wanting to" is to be able to succeed in creating a peaceful home. "Peace is priceless for G‑d's name is <i>Shalom</i>" (<i>Bamidbar Rabbah</i> 11:18). The attainment of <i>shalom bayit</i>, a peaceful home, is not a matter of ...
